When Darkness Breaks
by Nightlain
Summary: Lilith doesn't remember that she's a Dark Brotherhood assassin, her relationship with the Keeper, or even the past nine years. In fact, she's having a hard time remembering anything. When Lilith stumbles into the Thieves Guild and falls in love with none other than the Guildmaster, her past may just come back to haunt her. (Includes DB and TG storylines, eventually Main/Civil War)
1. Prologue I - Sweet, Sweet Cicero

**I decided to rewrite Fear Not This Night, and here is the new version. It starts in the past, unlike the last one. The prologue chapters consist mostly of a timelapse, each section just a fragment of Lilith's past in the Brotherhood before the main story picks up. **

**Loredas, 8:36PM, 28****th**** of Sun's Height, 4E 186**

"Tell me what a beautiful girl like you is doing out on a nice night like this."I turn around and see him leaning against the wall of the Sanctuary, his fiery red hair glowing dimly in the moonlight.

I only came out here to think. I like looking at the stars – they have so many stories to tell. I gaze up at the Serpent, the sign I'm born under. Those who bear it each have different characteristics, unlike the other birth signs. They say the Serpent has no corresponding Season to it and that it chooses those born to it.

The clear night sky twinkles under me and I think back again to the red-haired man behind me. I've only been here a short time, but he's been so kind to me.

"I like to look at the sky. Look, there's the Serpent, those five stars. I was born under it." My blonde hair falls into my face as I look back down at him. He's standing next to me now, his red and black armor blending into the night.

"Those born under the Serpent are said to be the most blessed and the most cursed," he murmurs beside me.

"Yeah, I know. I don't know how I'm blessed or cursed, though. I suppose my mom dying was a curse, but killing her husband and finding the Brotherhood was definitely a blessing." I bite a hangnail on my finger and continue to look up.

Out of the corner of my eye he moves slightly, and I look over to see his gaze locked intently on me. "Some would say the Dark Brotherhood is more of a curse than a blessing."

"Then I'm very blessed to be cursed." I smile as sweetly as I can manage and he snorts and shakes his head.

"You've only been here for two weeks, but you should know the Dark Brotherhood will be your family for as long as you want them to be. We take care of each other, which means I'll take care of you, and when the time comes, you can take care of me. That's what family does." His blue eyes smile at me and he rubs my arm affectionately.

He leans in close to my ear and I can feel his breath on my skin. "And if you need anything, _absolutely anything_, just let me know." He pulls away and nods gently.

"Thank you, Cicero. You're a good friend." I smile bigger than I have in a long time, and it feels good.

"Of course, my dear." Cicero lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it in the most gentlemanly way possible before approaching the Sanctuary door.

I hear him whisper _Obsidian, my brother_ before the Black Door swings open. It's great to have a home.

**Middas, 11:52PM, 30****th**** of Mid Year, 4E 186 – One Month Earlier**

"No! Oh Shor no! Mom, mom?" My panicked voice is lost to the roar of the fire, and I fall backwards as a blazing log falls in front of me onto the charred bed, covering her burnt corpse.

I need to get out of here. I need to get out. I can't see anything, my eyes burn and water. I can feel nothing but heat, and I know the house is falling around me. I think my arm is burnt, but I can't focus on that,

Mom's dead, she's dead! My tears burn my face as they fall down my cheeks. I trip and reach out to catch myself, my hand resting on a charred chair, which breaks under my grasp and I stumble to the floor. I've got to get out.

My body disagrees with me, staying frozen on the floor. I think I'm in shock, at least this is what Mom said shock was like.

No, stay focused. Move legs, get me up. With as much force as I can muster, I roll over and push myself to my knees and finally onto my feet. Which way is the door? Maybe that way, if it isn't on fire. Behind me, a wall collapses and explodes into flames. I need to go.

I stumble through the smoke, coughing hard. My breath catches in my throat and I struggle to inhale. I'm dying. My body fights for air and with the last of my effort, I stumble out of the darkness and onto the cold grass.

He killed her, that bastard killed her, I know he did. He left her there to die, didn't even help her out of the bed.

I'm going to kill him.

**Tirdas 3:04PM, 22****nd**** of Evening Star, 4E 186**

"Cicero! Come on, it's really not funny anymore." I stomp through the halls of the Sanctuary, enter the bed chamber and glance around. No Cicero to be found.

The fiery red-head had thought it funny to steal my sword and take off somewhere. I often question whether or not he was trying to flirt with me by deliberately provoking me, but then I dismiss the thought. Of course he doesn't. He's my Brother, and he always tells me the Dark Brotherhood is my family. I should stop seeing into it, or even hoping for anything. That's ridiculous, after all. I've only been here five months and I'm still not very good at sneaking up and killing people. He'd like someone else who was better. And prettier.

"Boo!" I squeal and jump as he appears in front of me, blue eyes wild and dancing.

"That's not funny!" I shout and try to slap at his face in a childish manner. Instead he catches my arms and turns me around, pushing me into the cold stone of the Sanctuary wall with my arms pinned behind my back.

"Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. You should be more careful who you slap, Sister." He holds both of my arms with one hand and gently reaches up with the other, stroking the side of my cheek not pressed to the wall.

"So young and innocent, though I suppose not anymore." His voice is quiet, barely a whisper. My heart pounds in my ears. "Had you not been born under the sign of the Scorpion, you'd be born under the Thief. Very fitting, considering your background."

He moves himself closer and I feel myself going light-headed. What is he doing?

He moves his face in to mine very close, and the stubble on his chin scrapes against my cheek. Gentle lips press against my temple, and he's so close I can smell him, a mixture of cinnamon and blood.

"Happy 18th birthday Little Lil, my lovely Sister." With that, the pressure on my arms slackens as he releases me. I hesitate for a moment before turning around, trying to process what just happened.

The room is empty, Cicero already long gone. I reach up a hand and touch the side of my head where his lips were moments before. What just happened?

**Fredas, 12:05AM, 1****st**** of Morning Star, 4E 187**

The family sits together in the dining hall, laughing as they drink mead and get merrily drunk. Although they offered some fine wines earlier, I politely declined. I didn't want to end up like Cicero, who now sits across the table from me singing songs and cackling while he cracks really terrible jokes.

The damn red-head winks at me from his seat. Cicero had taken me to Anvil just the other day for a contract after one of the Sanctuaries had fallen. It wasn't a contract for me to do; rather I was to accompany Cicero. I almost missed his kill while I was contemplating looting the man's house dry, and Cicero hasn't stopped teasing me since.

My mother was a thief, as was my father – my real father, not my step father. Her name was Gloria, a member of the Thieves Guild in the Imperial City. She fell in love young, and then I came along. My father was in the Guild, too; however, a noble of the city saw her one day and blackmailed her into marrying him. For the first six years of my life she lived in the city and still saw my father in a shop she opened where she simultaneously worked as a fence for the Guild, until Artierre, her husband, found out and began creating all kinds of Oblivion about it. Then he moved us outside city walls, as though _that_ is supposed to stop the Thieves Guild. I don't know much about my father, other than he gave me an amulet with a black stone of some kind in it, as well as that I got my name from him. Lilith Rahallen Mallory. Apparently he also helped create the Shadowmarks I learned about as a girl, the marks that every thief should know.

"Little Lil thinks she knows all! Little Lil is the Thief of the hall! All the Brotherhood's Speakers and the Brotherhood's men couldn't bring Little Lil back to Cicero again!" The Family laughs at the song, and I blush furiously, though not because he sang a song about me, but rather _what_ he said. That the Brotherhood couldn't bring me _back to him._ I have already heard Phoebe and Rhykis gossiping with another Sister, J'Loika about how we were a thing, which isn't true at all. Cicero doesn't think of me like that.

Though I've probably thought of him like that a bit too much. I woke up the other day after a nap completely hot all over because I dreamed of Cicero kissing me. I blush at the memory.

The Family toasts to the beginning of a new year of our Fourth Era, and I see Cicero, flushed from drinking, raise his glass to me.

I smile shyly and raise my glass of water back up to him.

**Loredas, 8:01AM, 16****th**** of Morning Star, 4E 187**

My dagger hits the spot where Cicero was just moments before. I turn around and see him with sweat dripping down his face.

"Damn, Lilith. Where did you learn to wield a dagger like that?" He gasps and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. We'd been dueling for over an hour, grappling back and forth. I am an equal match for Cicero, much to his surprise.

"My mother taught me," I flash my teeth at him in a sinister way before smiling. My body aches slightly from the constant dodging and my hair sticks to the sweat on the back of my neck.

He sheaves his dagger and crosses over to me.

"You're quite talented." He pulls the glove off of both of his hands and sweeps my sweaty hair behind my ear. "And beautiful." I catch my breath in my throat and he trails his hand up my neck before lifting my chin up.

"What are we going to do with you?" His voice has a dangerous tone to it, like an animal stalking his prey. It sends a wave of heat to my stomach and I find myself submitting to him.

He doesn't let me go, his hand still holding my chin, and I watch his eyes flicker down to my lips and linger for a moment.

I catch and hold my breath, the air between us becoming thick. A heart beat passes like that, then another, and then it's all cinnamon and Cicero on my lips and everything is spinning and _oh Shor why haven't I done this sooner!_

His lips caress mine gently, almost questioningly, and I can't do anything but melt into him because isn't this what I've been trying not to think about for the last month? I tried, but I failed. I'd have dreams about him, and it was hard to focus when I saw him. I can't believe this is happening.

The hand that was on my arm reaches up behind my neck and he releases my chin, snaking his hand to the small of my back. He pulls me closer to him and I can smell the sharp yet sweet tang of cinnamon on him, as well as a rather musky masculine scent hidden deep underneath. I think he puts cinnamon in his chest with his clothes.

I put my hand up through his red hair and he holds me tighter, his lips now roughly on mine, the stubble on his chin like sandpaper on my face, but I don't mind because he's _kissing_ me and I've never been _kissed_ before! His lips push mine apart and I submit, and then I taste him, and everything is him. I lose my balance slightly and fall into him, but his arm quickly wraps around my waist and holds me against him, his mouth still grappling with mine.

_Then_ there's the sound of the training room door opening, and quick as lightning, Cicero's set me down and is gasping as he tries to recompose himself, his cheeks flushed nearly the same color as his hair and his lips a lovely shade of dark pink. Strands of long red hair stick out in places where my hands mussed it up. I'm certain I look the same.

Veezara strolls into the training room, his lizardy-eyes giving us both suspicious looks.

"Could you at least do that somewhere else?" With that he throws a glance – might have been a dirty look, couldn't have been too sure – at us, and stalks back out.

Cicero and I erupt into giggles at his departure, and I find myself in his arms, wrapped in a comforting hug.

**Sundas, 7:14PM, 8****th**** of Rain's Hand, 4E 187**

I stalk the target through the market place, keeping to the shadows. The poor sod doesn't suspect a thing, and he's so drunk I can smell him from several feet away.

Lady Luck smiles upon me as he disappears down a dark alley. The guards turn away, oblivious that a murder is about to happen.

Slinking into the alley, I follow him close. He stumbles in the dark and catches himself against the wall.

I see my opportunity. Unsheathing my daggers silently, I spin them in my hands seconds before they barrel into his back and pierce his heart, leaving shreds on his skin.

I look around quickly before making my escape.

**Fredas, 4:34PM, 16****th**** of Last Seed, 4E 187**

"They call him the Shredder! Apparently he is a member of the Dark Brotherhood and shreds the bodies of those he kills. It's his signature." The man in the pub whispers to his friend about me, though he mistakes me for a man. All the better when he realizes who he is dealing with.

Cicero smiles at me from across our table, wearing obscurely normal clothing. It's almost strange seeing him in a tunic that's ripped at the neck, showing off some of his muscled chest, sprinkled with a small amount of red hair. I dart my eyes back up to his face to see him notice me staring.

He winks. "Like what you see?" His voice is deep, but the tone is lustful, and I blush furiously. I've never been with a man, and Cicero's never asked, but it isn't like I haven't seen him _staring _at me, like he's undressing me with his eyes. It's unnerving.

I swallow and turn my attention back to the contract. It was a coincidental double kill – Cicero had received the contract for the other man, who was supposed to be in the Imperial City right now, but Cicero had tracked him back here to my man in this town outside Bruma. Now we are sharing drinks while we wait for an opportunity to take both guys down, though Cicero's eyes are watching me instead of his kill.

I motion to Cicero to pay attention and he looks away just as the slighter of the men, my kill, stands up to leave. I wait a few beats before sneaking out quietly.

The dirt road is empty and dark. I trail him home, sticking to the shadows, just as Cicero pops up beside me. I give him a look when I see the other guy shows up and pushes my contract into the wall of a stable, kissing him roughly.

I raise my eyebrow silently, before pulling my dagger out with a _shink_. The bigger of the men freezes.

"Did you hear something?" His eyes dart right over our hiding place behind a few barrels, not even seeing us in the dark.

"There's nothing there. _Just kiss me."_ The man's voice is lust-filled and it sends a heat wave through my body. I hold my dagger tighter and inch along in the dark.

The smaller grabs his boyfriend by the shirt and pulls him into a house. Cicero and I dart under the window and peer over, where they are carelessly undressing each other.

This is going to have to be a messy kill, and Cicero knows it. I push open the door on the house.

The men freeze where they lay on the bed, covering each other in kisses.

"Hello boys. May I join?" I grin mischievously and they stare open-mouthed. I take their surprise as an advantage, grabbing the bigger man by the hair and shoving him off my target.

Brandishing my daggers, I spin them in my hands as I quickly slice lines into his chest before stabbing him. Blood sprays my face and I turn around to see the other man staring horrified, his eyes flicking between me and his boyfriend.

"You're…you're a woman! But – " His accusation is lost in his throat as Cicero comes up to him and slices his throat neatly. Blood gushes out of the wound and over his hands.

The man slides down to the floor, gone to meet his lover in the Void. Cicero walks over and grabs the other dead man by the arm and shoves him to the floor.

"We have a few hours before anybody realizes they are gone." He smiles at me.

"Yes, and?" I can feel anxiety building up in my stomach. Cicero's smile is dangerous, and before I have time to complain, he's pulled me on the bed, straddling my hips.

His mouth crashes against mine and I push back, kissing him roughly. My hands wander through his hair and over his neck as he holds himself over me. It's all happening so quick – one minute I'm seeing blood rush through the wounds on my target; the next Cicero is on top of me.

He pulls away momentarily. "Do you want to?" His voice is thick and I feel like I'm on fire, desire burning through my body. How could I say no?

"Yes," I hiss, and Cicero's mouth is clamped over mine, biting and nipping at my lips as expert hands loosen my armor.

Buckles and straps come undone, and before I quite realize what's happening, he's pulled me on my knees and yanked down my armor before laying me on the bed again.

Cicero plants kisses and bites over my untouched skin, caressing it. "Tell me what you want," he whispers gently as his own hands under his armor, and then we're skin on skin. He nips at my neck and I gasp, his hands massaging my breasts.

I don't say anything and he's pushing down my small clothes.

"I said, tell me what you want." He wiggles a finger into me and I'm choking back a gasp, the feeling surprisingly good, yet slightly painful. He begins pulling and pushing his hand into me and my hands tangle in his hair.

"I," my voice breaks and Cicero is nibbling at my ear. "I want you!" He pulls away, grinning, before throwing his own small clothes to the floor. I swallowed hard at the sight of him fully naked – his muscled chest and stomach sprinkled with light amounts of red hair, the line of red hair down his abdomen looking kissable. He sees my reaction and winks.

"You look really good too." He hoists my legs around his waist and before I am aware of it, he is pushing into me and I'm shouting incoherently, leaving scratches down his back.

Everything seems to be Cicero as he moves into me. He holds my wrists over my head as he bites down on my lips and grapples with my mouth. The pain in my desire quickly subsides as he pushes into me with quick, rough thrusts. I push my hips into him in time with him.

Cicero plants kisses down my neck and over my chest, and I tug his hair, pulling him into me. He moves to my ears and begins to gasp into them as he sucks my earlobe. I groan loudly.

The warmth between my legs builds as I get close. I gasp out Cicero's name and he smiles before locking his lips with mine. I dig my nails into his sweaty back and warmth begins filling my body and heating it up, like my blood is boiling. I gasp and moan loudly.

Cicero collapses on top of me as he shouts my name, climaxing. I shudder and come, yelling something indecipherable.

He looks up at me, sweat dripping down his forehead, and smiles. I smile back at him and gather his hair out of his face before planting a kiss on his nose.

He pulls himself up. "Probably best if we get dressed and leave before people come to investigate all of the shouting." He grins and holds his hand out to me.

The warmth in my chest unfolds as I take his hand. "Are we ever going to do this again?"

He laughs, and I smile at the sound. "Anytime you want."

**Yes...I do know the dates listed in here do not match up with Cicero's journals. This is only the 1st prologue chapter (it was too long so I broke it up) and will be explained in Prologue II.**


	2. Prologue II - Madness Reigns

**Back with Prologue II! This is the last before the actual chapters begin of Lilith's adventures in Skyrim. This part is a little more angsty than the Cicero fluff last chapter, and it still follows the timelapse format.**

**Fredas, 12:08PM, 3****rd**** of Morning Star, 4E 188**

"No! You can't go! What about me?" I shout at him, disbelieving what he is telling me. There are tears on Cicero's face, and I feel like my heart is breaking.

"I'm sorry Lilith. You know I want to stay here with my Family, and with you. I've been called away to help assist in the Cheydinhal Sanctuary. We lost another Sanctuary last week, and the surviving members sought solace with Rasha and the Listener in Cheydinhal. They want me to come help them, to be a Silencer." Cicero steps forward and strokes a hand through my blonde hair.

The Great War is taking a huge toll on all the Sanctuaries. It's so awful I don't want to think about it, but we're one of the last. Cicero had tried not to tell me about this for a while, until I found out last month when I overheard him talking to Rhykis. I was kind of angry that he didn't bother telling me the Brotherhood was in rough shape.

"This is the Night Mother's will, Little Lil. I'll visit when I can. You know I'd never forget about you." He rests a hand on my cheek and I cover it with my own.

I don't want to accept it, but I know Cicero, and he'd only ever do as the Night Mother commands, so I must follow.

"I love you, Cicero." I pull his hand from my cheek and press it to my lips as tears escape from my eyes and dribble down my cheeks.

"I know, Little Lil." He leans forward and kisses my forehead before pulling away his hand and stepping through the Black Door into the cold rain.

**Turdas, 2:00PM, 1****st**** of First Seed, 4E 188**

To help out our Sanctuary here in Bruma after Cicero left for Cheydinhal, the Night Mother commanded our Speaker to retrieve a member from the Skyrim Sanctuary to stay here and perform contracts for several months.

She's some blonde girl, hardly older than me, and she's got an attitude like she owns the world. Her name is Astrid, and I don't like her.

**Loredas, 9:04AM, 3****rd**** of First Seed, 4E 188**

"I know you don't like me, Lilith. I want to know why. I haven't done any wrong to you." Astrid sits cross-legged on her bed, her stupid beautiful blue eyes gazing inquisitively at me.

I don't say anything, just lay back on my bed like I'd been doing before she came in.

"Look, I don't know if we got off on a wrong foot before, but I want to apologize. I want to be friends with you."

I sigh and turn to face her. She smiles.

"What do you say, friends?" Astrid holds her hand out to me. I sit up off the bed.

"Fine," I relinquish. Cicero would want me to be nice to a Sister. "Friends." I force a smile and take her hand. Her eyes light up and something breaks within me. Perhaps it won't be so bad after all.

**Sundas, 6:25PM, 23****rd**** of Sun's Dusk, 4E 188**

_**Cicero**_

She's dead. The Listener is dead. The Sanctuaries risk falling at any moment, including my beloved Bruma. I only visit occasionally after having left at the beginning of the year in Morning Star. Lilith had cried, which made me feel awful. Our Brothers and Sisters had welcomed her well enough, but being so young, at only fifteen, they'd doubted her abilities.

I was the one who found her that night, stabbing her step father to death. He'd burned her mom alive and she took matters into her own hands. I admired that, and recruited her.

But two years have passed since then, and my beloved Little Lil is becoming an accomplished assassin – they call her _the Shredder_, a compliment of her vicious killing style. I think about her every day.

Our Listener is dead and only three Sanctuaries remain – several have been taken out through extreme torture methods on our dear Brothers and Sisters, who've been stabbed and bled repeatedly by the Thalmor as they try to figure out where the rest of our Sanctuaries are. If the Dark Brotherhood family won't speak, the Thalmor use a vicious type of magic that forces them to speak nothing but the truth, allowing them to figure out exactly where our Sanctuaries are located.

Alisanne Dupre, our dear Listener, has found a way to save those Sanctuaries from that, even from her place in the Void. She'd received the order from the Night Mother when she was alive and had written it down, but died before she could deliver the orders to her Speakers.

Luckily, I found them.

**Turdas, 9:08AM, 27****th**** of Sun's Dusk, 4E 188**

"You want me to be _what?"_ I shout at the red-headed man before me, and then I shake my head.

"So the Listener is dead, I know that, but you want me to become a _Knower?_ What the hell is a Knower?" My brown eyes blaze as my Brothers and Sisters stand before him. Poor Cicero had to be the bearer of bad news, having come to us from Cheydinhal. He told us Alisanne Dupre had orders from the Night Mother to make me a Knower…whatever that is.

Cicero places his hands on my shoulders and looks intently at me, though he addresses the other six family members who gathered to greet him. "The Night Mother decided the best way to keep our Sanctuaries safe was to create a Knower. It makes it near impossible to recruit new members, but it prevents anyone in the Dark Brotherhood who isn't a Knower from speaking the location of the Sanctuary." He glances around the hall way of the opening of the Sanctuary, its old walls casting shadows over the red-and-black clad Family.

"And I'm to become the Knower? Will that prevent anybody from saying where the Bruma Sanctuary is located?" I ask. Cicero nods his head. If he needs me to do this, I will do this. I'd do anything for him, I promised after all.

"You will Know for the Bruma Sanctuary here, though the other two remaining Sanctuaries will be Known by two others." Cicero reaches up a hand and runs it through my blonde hair.

Behind me, a voice interrupts. "I assume that I'm to Know for the Skyrim Sanctuary. I am from there, after all." I turn around at the sound of the familiar voice. Cicero smiles.

Astrid crosses her arms. "I accept; however, I want to know when the spell will be lifted and the locations can be spoken again. With no Listener, I must protect my Sanctuary first and foremost." She's been a great friend to me while Cicero's been gone. We go killing together, then ride away on Shadowmere, her horse. I'll be sad when she has to go back to Skyrim; perhaps I'll get a chance to visit sometime.

Cicero nods. "You'll leave for Skyrim at noon. Rasha taught me the spell to confirm both of you." His yellowish-hazel eyes flick between the both of us and I try not to bite my lip. When Astrid is gone, I'll be alone again. No Cicero, no Astrid. Rhykis isn't really one for speaking, and Phoebe and J'Loika are often busy on contracts.

"With that being said, you're all free to go back to what you were doing." Cicero nods at the Family, who casually begin dispersing. I stick around as they leave, hoping to talk to Cicero. I haven't seen him in what feels like ages.

Cicero rubs my arm and leans in close to my ear. "Lilith, everything will be okay, trust me." With that, he smiles and flicks my nose playfully before walking away, though not before I see a hint of sadness in his eyes. I'm left standing there with a million things on the tip of my tongue and no Cicero to tell them to.

**Middas, 3:42AM, 5****th**** of Morning Star**

The stable keeper died well. I stabbed him in the chest and reveled over how the blood spread over his brown tunic. It was beautiful, and I swore I felt Sithis watching on, pleased with me.

I really miss Cicero. He would have loved to have accompanied me, but I have not seen him in many months.

**Fredas, 8:43AM, 8****th**** of First Seed, 4E 189**

I enter the alchemy chambers in the Sanctuary after having come back from several contracts. My poisons are running low and I've found paralytic poisons to be one of the most useful inventions ever.

The woman I'd been sent to kill died beautifully. She unknowingly drank the poison with her afternoon tea, froze in the spot, and I'd been there to slice her throat. It was beautiful the way the blood dripped from her neck and I'd desired to see more and more people look like she did. I relished the way the blood oozed out of the slices I cut into her chest and how they'd drip into the carpet and leave blooming red flowers. Beautiful.

I walk over to the mortar and pistil and begin grinding dried Nightshade into a fine powder. A nursery ditty pops into my head and I begin humming it.

"A lovely tune, wouldn't you agree?" I jump and knock over a vial of vampire blood before cursing under my breath. I turn around and see none other than beautiful red hair and yellow eyes looking back at me – but something's wrong. Something about Cicero isn't right.

My eyes scan over his red and black motley. This isn't right. _He_ isn't right. My eyes flick to his face. He looks tortured, like he's trying to hold himself together. His eyes are troubled.

"Cicero?" I whisper. He smiles, and relief floods my body. He's still there. He's still my Cicero.

"I just came back to see how you were doing, my love." He crosses over to me and holds my face in his hands, the velvet gloves caressing my face.

"I'm fine, but what about you? What's wrong?"

Cicero's smile fades away slowly. "The Black Hand decided to reinstate an old position now that the Listener is dead. A Keeper, someone who will take care of the Night Mother's body, makes sure no harm comes to her. They made me the Keeper. I no longer fulfill contracts, just serve our Mother." His thumb traces over my lip.

"That's horrible!" I gasp. "You can't kill anymore? Why are you dressed like this?"

He pulls his hands away. "I serve our Mother, that's not horrible." His eyes become aggressive, and I see something unspoken brewing beneath the surface.

"Oh the silence, Lilith! You have no idea what it is like!" Suddenly he pushes me against a wall and I'm struggling against his madness as he pushes back, his teeth bared.

"All the damned silence all the time and no Listener! The Night Mother won't speak to anyone, not even Cicero!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I cry out. My head is shouting alarms and my heart pounds in my throat. This isn't like him, not like him at all. He's even referring to himself by name… His maddened eyes suddenly widen and he releases me.

"I don't know what came over me. It's like I..I'm losing myself." I reach out and touch his face and he flinches like he's been slapped.

"Please, Cicero, it's okay. You'll be okay." I pull his face into both of my hands and kiss his lips. "Everything will be okay in the end. I promise."

The wild animal inside seems to calm down and his facial features soften. "Yes, yes you're right. Thank you, Knower." Something inside my head goes off, tells me that this isn't right, but I ignore it. Cicero will be okay. Cicero is always okay.

**Loredas, 12:18AM, 9****th**** of Sun's Dusk, 4E 189**

Help me Sithis! Help me Night Mother! Help me somebody!

The Thalmor hunt me like a wild animal. They caught Rhykis and tortured him, demanding to know where our Sanctuary is, but he couldn't tell them anything. Only that there's a Knower and her name is Lilith and only she can speak the location of our Sanctuary. Then they cut out his heart.

They chase me day and night; I can't even sleep someplace without fear of being caught. I pray to the Night Mother but she isn't listening, just like Cicero said.

The Night Mother is quiet and I need her help more than ever. We all need her help.

**Tirdas, 9:44PM, 8****th**** of Second Seed, 4E 190**

How much longer must this go on? How much longer must I fear?

Twice they've caught me, tortured me, but I told them nothing. I will not speak against my Family. I will not betray Cicero.

Where are you, Cicero? Are you going to come and save me?

They drive hot pokers into my ribs; demand to know where the Sanctuary is. I cannot tell them. I am the Knower, and Knowing is what I do. But I don't Tell. They beat and cut and tear, and when I get the chance, I escape, just to begin running all over again.

I'm losing my mind, just like Cicero. Does my Keeper live? Does he know I live?

**Turdas, 5:02PM, 24****th**** of Mid Year, 4E 190**

"Lilith? Lilith!" I stumble through the door of the Sanctuary for the first time in three months. Cicero is there, waiting for me, his eyes wild.

"Where have you been? I thought you were dead! I came down here three days ago to find only Phoebe here. Where – " He cuts off abrubtly when he sees the condition I'm in. There are cuts on the side of my face, my Dark Brotherhood armor in rags. The leather has holes all over it and beneath those holes are giant, scabbed over gashes from where they cut me. The tears on the chest armor reveal the black round circles where they stabbed me with the hot pokers. There's dirt and grime and dried blood over all of my skin.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, and collapse into his arms.

**Turdas, 10:56PM, 24****th**** of Mid Year, 4E 190**

When I finally come to, Cicero is sitting in an arm chair, watching me with troubled eyes.

"This simply not do," he murmurs, and I notice his motley has blood on it – my blood? I look down and notice that I'm mostly naked besides my breast band and small clothes. My cuts and burns have been bandaged and all of my skin washed and cleaned.

"You're awake," Cicero's voice is unusually high and I look back at him to see a maddened expression on his face. "Cicero took care of you the way Cicero takes care of Mother."

"Oh, you poor fool," I open my mouth and the words come out choked. He's lost it, I'm losing it. We're all losing it.

Cicero twitches. "The Fool of Hearts! Laughter incarnate." But he doesn't laugh, instead he looks terribly sad and my heart feels like it's been ripped out.

"Cicero – " I begin to say, but he clamps a motley-covered hand over my mouth.

"Cicero will never let anything happen to you again. The Knower must leave the Brotherhood." I gasp from behind his hand and my eyes widen. Leave the Brotherhood? Leave him?

I shove his hand away, although the movement hurts. "No! I love you, I'm not going anywhere!"

Cicero franctically shakes his head. "Cicero knows how to make his Little Lil safe. Cicero is going to wipe your memories and send you far away, where the Thalmor won't think to look for you." He suddenly laughs, but it is a hollow sound, and he chokes like an animal is dying.

Tears begin falling down my cheeks. "No, Cicero, please no! I want to be with you, I want to be here, please let me be with you!" I shout but he doesn't hear me anymore. He is lost within himself.

He grabs my arms and holds me down, though I shout and scream and plead for him to stop. Placing one hand on my forehead, his palm glows green and everything goes dark.

I swear I hear "I love you, Lilith," but it could just be my imagination.

**Fredas, 1****st**** of Sun's Height, 4E 190**

My head is pounding and I don't know where I am. Where am I? What happened?

I open my eyes to the bright light outside and immediately tears come to my eyes. My mother is dead, no! She can't be dead!

I realize suddenly that I'm staring at a window as I lie in a bed. I turn my head to see an elderly lady stirring a cooking pot.

She turns to me and smiles. "Good morning, dear. I thought you'd never wake up."

"My mom is dead. I don't know where I am." Tears fall down my face and I curl up into a ball.

The woman smiles sadly and walks over to where I lay before crouching down.

"You'll be safe here, don't worry. Cicero brought you here." She strokes my hair and I start to feel comforted.

"Who?" I ask, but she just smiles and shakes her head.

"Nobody, dear. Don't worry about it."

**Tirdas, 6****th**** of Sun's Height, 4E 190**

_**Cicero**_

I did it. The Knower is safe. Cicero is glad the Knower is safe. Wiping her memories was painful, but it had to be done. I've kept her alive and now she has someone to take care of her. The rest of the Bruma Sanctuary is dead. The Thalmor took each one of them out, and Bruma fell, like so many others. Rasha is dead. Only Pontius, Garnag and myself remain. Well, and Lilith, but she must be dead to me. I must protect her by forgetting her.

I lifted the Knowing spell. There is no need for Knowers, as most of the Cheydinhal Sanctuary is dead, Bruma fell, and there's been no word about anything for the Skyrim sect.

I pick up my journal and stroll through it. Entries all about Lilith and the Knowers cover the pages. This isn't good. If I died, and somebody found this, Lilith would be dead. Cicero must take care of Lilith. I rip the pages from the journal and toss them into the fire where I sit in the Cheydinhal Sanctuary next to Mother.

I pick up a pen and begin to rewrite the journal entries, making up stories for each one. I write that the Bruma Sanctuary fell in 4E 186, when Lilith joined. I write that I went to Cheydinhal immediately after. I kept that the Listener died in 4E 188, for she did. I remove any suggestion of a Knower and write about the conditions of the Sanctuaries. There is no more Lilith. No more Cicero. Lilith is what kept me sane for so long and now she is gone. The old me is gone. Only Cicero!

Then I write about Cicero. Madness and Laughter, all I've become. There is no Knower, no Lilith. Bruma fell years ago, and now there is just me! Laughter incarnate!

But Mother won't speak to me. Please Mother, speak to poor Cicero! If Mother spoke to Cicero sooner, Lilith would be fine!

No, Lilith is gone, like so many others. There's no Lilith.

Speak to me, Mother!

**21****st**** of Sun's Dusk, 4E 192**

_Cicero places the cap on his pen as he finishes his journal entry. Then he laughs and laughs and laughs until he is no longer laughing, but crying._

_Cicero pleads for the Night Mother to speak to him, but she remains silent. Instead, she turns her head to a different Child of Sithis, one who tosses and turns in the night. She has nightmares of black and gold clad men who poke her with hot things and cut her with knives, and in the night she cries and screams, though there is no longer anybody with her to comfort her as she sleeps. _

_The Night Mother's shadowy figure leans over her sleeping Daughter and whispers in her ear._

"_Sleep well, my wayward child. Your time to return to me has not yet come." The Mother departs and Lilith stirs in the night, lifting her head to see what she Heard. But the Night Mother is gone, and Lilith cannot Listen._

_Instead, she lays her head back on her pillow and dreams of red-headed men who comfort and take care of her, though she cannot remember her dreams in the morning._


End file.
